Author Topic: Satire on various Social Issues - सामाजिक एवं विकास के मुद्दे और हास्य व्यंग्य  (Read 359768 times)

Bhishma Kukreti

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Best  Harmless Garhwali Literature Humor , Jokes Cooking ;  Garhwali Literature Comedy Skits  , Jokes Cooking ; Garhwali Literature  Satire , Jokes Cooking;  Garhwali Wit Literature  , Jokes Cooking ;  Garhwali Sarcasm Literature , Jokes Cooking  ;  Garhwali Skits Literature  , Jokes Cooking ;  Garhwali Vyangya   , Jokes   ;  Garhwali Hasya , Jokes Cooking  ; गढ़वाली हास्य , व्यंग्य,  गढ़वाली जोक्स Cooking


                                                          सुपौष्टिक, सवादी  या काचो  भोजन  पकाणौ  ब्यूंत
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                                                                 चबोड़ , चखन्यौ , चचराट :::   भीष्म कुकरेती   


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           अजकाल मि जब बि टीवी खुल्दु त चैनेलुं मा कुछ ना कुछ पकणु रौंद।  समाचार चैनल त सुबेर बिटेन श्याम तक एकी न्यूज तै ब्रेकिंग न्यूज दिखैक दर्शकुं तै पकाणा रौंदन या कुछ स्वार्थ वस न्यूज कुक करणा रौंदन।
         फिर फूड या ट्रैवेल चैनलों मा तो हर समय भोजन की बात हूंद जन बुल्यां टूरिस्ट भोजन भट्ट ह्वावन धौं।
              टीवी चैनलों मा जु भोजन मीन पकद द्याख वै से त इन लगद यी ऐंकर कच्ची भोजन प्रेमी छन।  या कुछ स्यफ त भोज तैं जळाणा इ रौंदन। 
अर फूड या ट्रैवेल चैनलुं से भोजन पकाण नि सीखी सकदु।
           जु आम गढ़वळि हूंद याने जैक जनम गढ़वाळ मा हूंद अर दर्जा आठ तक गढ़वालम शिक्षा दीक्षा हूंदी छे वु अफिक भोजन पकाण सीख जांद छौ अर गर्व की बात च कि हम गढ़वळयूं वास्ता तब बि क्वी फॉर्मल   कुकिंग क्लासेज नि हूंदी छी अर आज बि हम घमंड का साथ बोली सकदां कि हम बगैर सरकारी सहायता का स्येफ बण जाँदा। We are Born Cook.
            कुछ अनौपचारिक पाक शिक्षण व्यवस्था से ही आज बि गढ़वळि पाक कला सीखिक दुनिया का बड़ा बड़ा होटलुं मा स्यफ छन। औपचारिक पाक कला शिक्षण व्यवस्था मा हमारी अपणी सरकार बि ध्यान नि दींदि अर हम यान पर घमंड बि नि करदा कि हम बगैर होटल मैनेजमेंट डिप्लोमा का जापान म रूसी भोजन कुक  करदां।   गढ़वळि हमेशा संतोषी रै तो घमंड नि करदो।
        हमर बकत हमर मां -बैण्यूं -भौजुं कृषि मा व्यस्ततम  समय हूण से हम अफिक पाक कला सीखि जांद था।  पैल पैल झौळ लगाण से पाक कला का श्रीगणेश हूंद छौ फिर झौळ बुजाण मा हम पारंगत हूंदा छा  फिर धीरे धीरे हम बुखण -खाजा उस्याणैं प्रैक्टिस करदा छा  अर तब जैक हम दाळ उस्याणम बि ब्रॉन्ज या गोल्ड मेडलिस्ट ह्वे जांद छा ।  कौणी -झंग्वर - भात पकाण याने ग्रेजुएसन अर रुटि पकाण याने पोस्ट ग्रेजुएसन।  अधिसंख्य ब्वे अपण नौन्याळु  तै पोस्ट ग्रेजुएसन नि करण दींदि छे। 
            फिर हमर गां मा तब जीमण पकाण एक  सामूहिक अर सामाजिक जुमेवारी   समजे जांदी छे तो हम परसाद या भुज्जि चखणो लोभ मा हम सूजी अर भूजि पकाणो पाककला का गूढ़ से गूढ़ विद्या बि सीखी लींदा छा।  चूंकि हम दोयम श्रेणी का बामण छया अर हमर गांवक बहुगुणा हमर दगड़ रैकि प्रोग्रेसिव विचारधारा का ब्राह्मण ह्वे गे छा तो कुकरेती या जखमोला नामक सर्यूळ हम तैं इ ना दुसर गांवक नेग्युं तै बि भात या दाळ  खरोळणो चुपके से इजाजत दे दींदा छा।  इन मा हम दाळ -भात  का पाक शास्त्री बि बण जांद छा।
                बकै पाक शास्त्री बणनम  कुछ कमी  बेसी रै बि गे तो उच्च शिक्षा प्राप्ति का वास्ता ड्याराडूण ,  श्रीनगर   , जहरीखाळ -दुगड्डा जाण से हम एक्सपर्ट कुक बण जांद छा। तब भारत सरकार का दुंळ वळ  लाल पैसा  चलदो छौ याने तब धन की बड़ी कठिनाई हूंद छे तो अधिसंख्य गढ़वळि छात्र स्वपाकी छात्र बि छा।  नोड्यूल , चौ माउ अर पिजा फैशन तब नि छौ तो गढ़वळि छात्र भोजन बणानम पोस्ट ग्रेजुएट ह्वे जांद छौ। मीन बि स्वपाकशाला मा स्वपाकी    हूणो प्रशिक्षण ले।  मि तै पता च कि सवादी , सुपौष्टिक अर काचो भोजन मा क्या अंतर हूंद।
           तब यदि  गढ़वळि दर्जा पांच पास या फेल कौरिक शहर जिना सटग गै  तो वै तैं चील कव्वा जन घात लगैका बैठ्या होटल मालिक ठौ दींद छौ  बड़ा आनंद से। बारा पंदरा सालक  गढ़वळि होटल मा घुस ना कि होटल मालिक    जन  कौवा तै  मर्युं मूस दिखे जावो उनी  खुश ह्वेका होटल मालिक चिल्लांद छौ - नया बुल्ला आ गया , नया बुल्ला आ गया , इसे भांड मँजाने में लगा दो। हाँ आज बि चाहे केरल का मेट्रो होटलक मालिक हो या पंजाब का  पटियालौ होटलक मालिक हो या कलकत्ता का कोलमच्छी ढाबा का मालिक हो वु गढ़वळि से वैकि जात  नि पुछ्द अर ना ही गढ़वळि से रेफरेंस सर्टिफिकेट मांगे जांद।  गढ़वळि खानसामा अर साधु की जात अर प्रमाण पत्र  नि पूछे जांद किलैकि द्वी ईमानदार जि हूंदन।
  होटलम बि भोजन पकाणो कार्य बुल्लाओं (भुला का अपभ्रंश  ) तै इनि नि मिल्दो छौ। पैल पैल भांड घिस्सै , तब फर्श घिस्सै  , फिर मेज सफै  फिर जब बुल्ला होटलम कुछ साल रौणो अलिखित प्रमाण दे द्यावो तो होटल मालिक वे तै सब्जी कटण , चौंळ धूण पर लगै दींद छौ अर फिर कुछ सालों बाद ही भोजन बणानो परमिसन दींद छौ।     
  बुलणो मतलब च बल हम गढ़वळि कै ना कै कारणों से भोजन पाक कला सीखि जांद छा।
   आज तो सब्युं तै भोजन पाककला सिखण आवश्यक च।  ब्योलीन नौकरी करणी  च ,  ब्यौ बाद ब्वे -बाबुं से  बिगळणी  च त पुरुष  तैं बि पाकशास्त्री हूण आवश्यक च।  DIG संस्कृति मा  पुरुष तै पाककला प्रवीण हूण जरूरी च।  DIG माने डबल इनकम ग्रुप याने द्वी झण नौकरी  वळ।  अब यि त हरीश जुयाल इ बथाल कि DIG हूण पर पुरुष  तै पाककला  का ज्ञान कथगा आवश्यक च।
            खैर पर मेरी उमर  वळु एक समस्या अबि बि च।  तै बखत पुरुष कथगा बि बड़ो पाकाचार्य हो किलै नि  ह्वावो पुरुष  यदि चुल्लुम बैठो ना तो समाज वै तै चुल्लखचुर्या नाम दे दींद छौ।  तब पुरुष तै चोर नाम हूण मंजूर छौ पर चुलखचुर्या नाम असह्य छौ।  अपणी पुराणी प्रेमिकाओं  कसम मि झूठ नी बुलणु छौं।  आज बि मी तै मेरी मां किचन मा चा बणान देखी द्या तो भड़ भड़भड़ाट शुरू कौरी दींदि अर बुल्दी -" नाती  नतणा वळ ह्वे गे अर किचन मा खड़ु रैंदु।"
     

3/7/2016 ,Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti , Mumbai India
*लेख की   घटनाएँ ,  स्थान व नाम काल्पनिक हैं । लेख में  कथाएँ , चरित्र , स्थान केवल हौंस , हौंसारथ , खिकताट , व्यंग्य रचने  हेतु उपयोग किये गए हैं।


 Best of Garhwali Humor Literature in Garhwal
i Language , Jokes  ; Best of Himalayan Satire in Garhwali Language Literature , Jokes Cooking ; Best of  Uttarakhand Wit in Garhwali Language Literature , Jokes Cooking ; Best of  North Indian Spoof in Garhwali Language Literature Cooking ; Best of  Regional Language Lampoon in Garhwali Language  Literature , Jokes Cooking ; Best of  Ridicule in Garhwali Language Literature , Jokes  ; Best of  Mockery in Garhwali Language Literature Cooking , Jokes    ; Best of  Send-up in Garhwali Language Literature  ; Best of  Disdain in Garhwali Language Literature  , Jokes  ; Best of  Hilarity in Garhwali Language Literature , Jokes  ; Best of  Cheerfulness in Garhwali Language  Literature   ;  Best of Garhwali Humor in Garhwali Language Literature  from Pauri Garhwal , Jokes  ; Best of Himalayan Satire Literature in Garhwali Language from Rudraprayag Garhwal  ; Best of Uttarakhand Wit in Garhwali Language from Chamoli Garhwal  ; Best of North Indian Spoof in Garhwali Language from Tehri Garhwal  ; Best of Regional Language Lampoon in Garhwali Language from Uttarkashi Garhwal  ; Best of Ridicule in Garhwali Language from Bhabhar Garhwal   ;  Best of Mockery  in Garhwali Language from Lansdowne Garhwal  ; Best of Hilarity in Garhwali Language from Kotdwara Garhwal   ; Best of Cheerfulness in Garhwali Language from Haridwar    ;
Garhwali Vyangya, Jokes  ; Garhwali Hasya , Jokes ;  Garhwali skits , Jokes  ; Garhwali short Skits, Jokes , Garhwali Comedy Skits , Jokes , Humorous Skits in Garhwali , Jokes, Wit Garhwali Skits , Jokes 
गढ़वाली हास्य , व्यंग्य ; गढ़वाली हास्य , व्यंग्य ; गढ़वाली  हास्य , व्यंग्य,  गढ़वाली जोक्स , उत्तराखंडी जोक्स , गढ़वाली हास्य मुहावरे
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      स्वच्छ भारत  , स्वच्छ भारत , समृद्ध   उत्तराखंड ! 

Bhishma Kukreti

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South Asian satire
I Like My village, My Villagers Fond of Village and all Love Urban Life
        (Memoir of My Childhood)
                    Bhishma Kukreti
                It is difficult to forget your village, I always remember my village of my childhood but it is difficult to stay in village.
       When I was studying in fourth standard teacher instructed for preparing an easy on my village school that to be told verbally before the whole class.
        I wrote the essay on a flat stone of my courtyard by a piece of wood coal that I can remember the easy. Paper was a luxury in 1959 as precious luxurious as black pepper and sugar.  I wrote the easy on the flat stone of my courtyard and by noon everything was wiped out by human walks on the stone. However, my memory of that easy never wiped fully, wholly and a few lines are still in my mind. What I wrote on the stone that was said before the class in school too-
      Though, India is an agriculture country still we like our village. Though, villagers ask for the development from the government still villagers like their villages.
       Every child (means male child) in my village goes to school for study that he becomes Latsab (Lord Sahib). We village child don’t go to school for getting knowledge or being more civilized but go to school that we would become Latsab one day. Every parent tell to their child before sending to school first time that they are sending him to school that one day he becomes Latsab. Every time, parents and old generation remind the student that he has to become Latsab. I tell you the dialogues between me and my grandma about my schooling.
   Once, my grandma was reminding me that my ultimate aim of schooling was becoming Latsab.
I asked my grand mom about Latsab.
I asked, “Grandma! How does Latsab look like?”
She answered,” Chhwatu! Latsab are white men, very strong and I never could see Latsab in my life.
I asked,” How does Latsab walk?”
Grandma said,” Your grandpa told me that Latsab does not walk, he always travels on horse but your grandpa never saw Latsab.”
I further enquired,” Grandma! What does Latsab eat?
Confusingly she answered,” Perhaps Latsab are non vegetarian, eat meat and does not like Garhwali food at all. Your great grandma informed me many times. Very sad, your great grandma and great grandpa never had chance to see a Latsab.”
I asked, “Why are you bent to make me Latsab?”
She said, “Latsab always rides on the horse, he always shouts on his subordinates and he uses bad words for villagers.”
I said, “But for that matter, Padhan (Landlord) also uses bad words for villagers.”
She explained,” No! No!  Padhan is not as powerful as Latsab.”
I asked,” How?”
She said,” Latsab never lives in village; Latsab has a big house in city. Latsab sends money order for his family to his village.”
I asked,” So you send me to school that I become a Latsab.”
She answered, “Definitely, we are sending you school that after completing your education you become Latsab, live in the big city and send Money order to us.”
 Though, India is an agricultural country , we love our villages but we all village children  have to go school that one day we become Latsab, we live in city and we live in Big House in the city. We go to school that we become Latsab and send money order to our grandparents and parents from the city.
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4/7/2016, Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti
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 South Asian Satire by a Garhwali on schooling; South Asian Satire by a Uttarakhandi on schooling ; South Asian Satire by a Himalayan writer on schooling; South Asian Satire by a North Indian on schooling  ; South Asian Satire by an Indian on schooling ; South Asian Satire by a  SAARC Countryman on schooling ;






 









 
 

Bhishma Kukreti

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गढ़वाली शब्दकोश Garhwali Dictionary -Weird Similes
 विचित्र उपमा अलंकार भाग -1

     टिपण , छिंडारण , बंधण  : भीष्म कुकरेती 

1- अजीब , विचित्र , विलक्षण जन बुल्यां बहाना ह्वाऊ
2- अजीब , विचित्र , विलक्षण जन बुल्यां क्वी कै तैं पूछो बल त्यार आइसक्रीम मा कथुग लूण डळण ?
3- अजीब , विचित्र , विलक्षण जन बुल्यां बल क्या फूल पाळु से अछेकि प्रेम करदो या तन्नी मन्नीक प्रेम ?
4- प्रचुर , भौत , अन्या जन पाणी अर हवा
5- क्रियाशील जन अग्निशामक दल आग बुझाणा ह्वाला
6- क्रियाशील जन मूत्राशय मा पथरी
7- चिपकू जन डाकखाना टिकट
8- कलाकार जन बीड़ी हो जथगा सुट्टा मारो तथगा छुट हूंद जांद
9-विज्ञापन बगैर ब्यापार जन बुल्यां अन्ध्यर मा छोरी कुण आंख मरण
10- काम बिगड़नो बाद सलाह इनि जन बुलया मृत्यु बाद दवा दीण
11- चपलता जन बिरळ मूस मरद दैं
12- स्वीकारोक्ति जन अंगुळि   अर अंगूठा
13- स्वीकारोक्ति जन खरगोश अर शिकर्या कुत्ता
14- इखुलि जन कोढ़ी
 15-इखुलि जन इकुऴया बांदर
16- यखुली जन ढड्डु
17-   रसिक जन गूणी अर पकीं मुंगरी थ्वाता
18- रसिक जन गुडौ डौळी  पराक  किरम्वळ
19- समौ दगड़ गुस्सा इनि खतम ह्वे जांद जन भीम /भ्यूं पड़ीं आइसक्रीम
20- इथगा इ दूर जन बियायीं  बिरळि   ढड्डू से दूर रौंदी
21- सीदु सादु जन डाळ जैमा सैकड़ों  उळकाणु  /उल्लू बैठ्याँ रौंदन
22- तकलीफदेय जन मटन की दुकानम  काणु कुत्ता अर मछली बजारम काणि बिरळी 
23- भयभीत अर भ्रमित जन कुत्ताक पूछ पर कंटर बंध्युं हो या कुत्ता क पूछ पर आग लगीं ह्वाओ
24- भयभीत अर भ्रमित जन गौड़ी बरफ मा खड़ी ह्वावो
25- टकला जन छिल्यां अंडा
26- डौळ मुंड्या जन क्रिकेट बौल या डौळ मुंड्या जन सौसर  बौल
27- गुस्सा जन सोडावाटरै  बोतल खुलद दैं  आवाज
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7/7/ 2016 Copyright @ Bhishma Kukreti
Garhwali Dictionary -Weird Similes; Garhwali Dictionary -Weird Similes from Pauri Garhwal; Garhwali Dictionary -Weird Similes from Chamoli Garhwal; Garhwali Dictionary -Weird Similes from Rudraprayag Garhwal; Garhwali Dictionary -Weird Similes from Tehri Garhwal; Garhwali Dictionary -Weird Similes from Uttarkashi Garhwal; Garhwali Dictionary -Weird Similes from Dehardun Garhwal; Garhwali Dictionary -Weird Similes from Dhangu Garhwal;
 


Bhishma Kukreti

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         Places I wish to Visit in Garhwal           
          Humor Column by: Bhishma Kukreti
      People as my professional colleagues, trader friends and specially Garhwalis think I have visited all places in Garhwal. I have not. I never have been to any place in Tehri barring Shivnand Nagar, Uttarkashi and Rudraprayag.
   I did not visit Kedarnath where there is post office the post office at the highest shrine. I may yet to visit Gopeshwar, Uttarkashi, Gangotri, Yamnotri, Neeti and Valley of Flower including Hemkund. Yes!  many Garhwalis did not visit those places but the surprise is that I did not visit those places and people think that being a knowledgeable person I should have visited.
       Forget about the important places of Garhwal. I did not visit Dhound my in laws village. For that matter my wife did not visit her parental village Dhound.  My wife and we wish to visit Dhound and are sure that we shall not get opportunity for visiting Dhound.
     I wish to visit Dhound not only to my father in law village but I wish to see Dhoundiyalsyun. The Patti name Dhoundiyalsyun is based on the name of Brahmin Caste Dhoundiyal. There only two Pattis in Pauri Garhwal whose names pronounce Brahmin castes another Patti is Dabralsyun. My father in law’s father and then eldest brother were Padhan of Dhound. Padhans were Landlords and revenue collectors .Padhans used to keep records of each land tax payers. By visiting Dhound, I would like to see and search old records for History purpose. 
      In Garhwali, there is a famous proverb ‘ ससुरालौ जंवै  बुसड़ा बल्द’ Sasuralau janvain busda bald’ means the son in law  in his Mother in Law village is as the Bull in Straw Store  both don’t want come back from. However, even if I visit Dhound the village would not be ‘straw store’ for me. In Dhound, my immediate in law kin is my wife’s first cousin Ram Prasad Dhoundiyal Ji. He must be above eighties. He and his wife live there. Therefore, the kind of treatment a son in law expects from old way of culture would not be possible.
   In old age, in Garhwal, there used to be a Majak Maskhari with ‘jeejaa –Sali and sala Fun Chorus’ between sister in law and brother in law. Since, I have already crossed sixty and I don’t have teeth in my mouth and intestine in my stomach the imagination of Majak Maskhari or sharing funny jokes etc with sister in laws is unthinkable.
          My purpose of visiting to Dhound would not be limited to get lavish treatment from my brother in law Ram Prasad Ji but to meet Garhwali literature creative as Sanjay Dhoundiyal ‘Ekant’ of Dhound, Shiv dayal ‘Shailaj’ of Meldhar , Anil Kumar of Meldhar, Kulbir Singh rawat ‘Chhilwat’ of Bironkhal. I wish to enjoy for meeting other literature creative and have a Kavi Sammelan (Poetry reading) there in Syunsi Baijron region.
    However, the dream for visiting Dhound would sure be unfulfilled. My father had a wish to die in Jaspur his native village and his wish was unfulfilled. As usual I shall blame for my unfulfilled dreams on others. I shall blame for not visiting Dhound on either to my age or to my pocket.

/7/2016 Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, Mumbai
South Asian Humor column by Garhwali Humorist about wishing for  visiting his in law village; South Asian Humor column by Uttarakhandi Humorist about wishing for  visiting his in law village ; South Asian Humor column by Himalayan Humorist  about wishing for  visiting his in law village ; South Asian Humor column by North Indian Humorist  about wishing for  visiting his in law village ; South Asian Humor column by Resident of Mumbai Humorist  about wishing for  visiting his in law village  ; South Asian Humor column by Maharashtra resident Humorist  about wishing for  visiting his in law village ;South Asian Humor column by Indian Humorist  about  wishing for  visiting his in law village; South Asian Humor column by SAARC Country Humorist  about wishing for  visiting his in law village ;


Bhishma Kukreti

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                                           विलक्षण , विचित्र , अलखणी  उपमाएं -भाग -3 
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                                       गढ़वाळि हास्य -व्यंग्यकोष -भाग -     37   
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                               Garhwali Humorous and Satirical Dictionary part - 37

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                                     खुज्याण , छिंडन, छँटण, बिंवन,  उकरण   ::: भीष्म कुकरेती
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३६  -उत्तर जन जिंदा भरच्यांद काखड़
३७-मुड्यूं जन बरफौ  तूफान मा घ्वाड़ा
३८- बुरी दशा जन शेराक समिण बंधीं बखरी
३९- शर्मीली जन स्कुल्या छोरी
४०- किराण जन बागौ मुख पुटुक घ्वीड़
४१- किराण जन कवाक चूंच पुटुक जिंदा मूस
४२- छटपटाण जन   कटेंद अठ्वाडो ब्याला
४३- झसकेण जन जवान ब्योली सुहाग रातौकुण   पैल  पैल अपण बुड्या    पति  दिखिदि
४४- इन पिटण जन रौ मांगक  भ्यूँळो स्योळ छ्पोडे जांद , जथगा जादा छपोड़ो तथगा अच्छु हूंद
४५- भीख मंगण जन कुत्ता खौळ म्याळा मा    मनिखों तरफ टक लगैक दिखुद
४६- आवाज जण फट्यूं बांस बजद
४७ -रूण जन बुल्या घुंड बसुलान लछे दे ह्वावन
४८- लाभ , जन फूल ताजा ही काम अांदन
४९- मंहगै -जन बेकाबू  पागल हाथी दौड़नु हो   
५०- कम जन भिखारी कै तैं भीख द्यावु , कीम जन क्वी  नेता   अपण विरोधी नेता की जिंदा मा प्रशंसा 
   


6/7/2016 @ Bhishma Kukreti , Mumbai, India

Garhwali Satire, Humor,   Dictionary, Garhwali Satire .  Similes Dictionary collected and edited by born in village Jaspur ; Garhwali Satire Humor, Dictionary collected and edited by born in Dhangu Patti ; Garhwali Satire Humor, Dictionary collected and edited by born in Dwarikhal Block ; Garhwali Satire Humor, Dictionary collected and edited by born in Gangasalan Pargana ; Garhwali Satire Humor, Dictionary collected and edited by born in Lainsdowne Tehsil ; Garhwali Satire Humor, Dictionary collected and edited by born in Pauri Garhwal ; Garhwali Satire  Humor,Dictionary collected and edited by born in Uttarakhand; Garhwali Satire  Humor,Dictionary collected and edited by born in Central Himalaya ;Garhwali Satire Humor, Dictionary collected and edited by born in  North India;Garhwali Satire  Humor,Dictionary collected and edited by born in South Asia ; Garhwali Satire Humor,Dictionary; Garhwali send-up lexicon; Garhwali spoof vocabulary; Garhwali lampoon glossary; Garhwali Satire Humor,phrase book; word list; Garhwali Humor, Satire thesaurus;   
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                                      स्वच्छ भारत ! स्वच्छ भारत ! बुद्धिमान भारत !     

Bhishma Kukreti

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                  Garhwali Villagers across the World
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                 Humor Column by: Bhishma Kukreti
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             I was explaining the difference between Garhwali villagers and Garhwali villagers living in villages of Garhwal to a tourist in Mumbai interested in visiting Uttarakhand a Himalayan state of Indian republic. I explained him that Garhwal is part of Uttarakhand.
          There is a Garhwali villager and Garhwali villager living in Garhwali village, Uttarakhand. The Garhwali villager, whose views magazines and newspapers are always seeking. After Harish Rawat who? After Indira Hridyesh who? Will Ajay Tamta fetch vote for BJP? Do you think have ‘Acche Din “come in Garhwali village? Nobody sought the views of Garhwali villager living in Garhwali village even for his water problem solution.  The satirical poets or satirical prose maker some time sketch the views of Garhwali villagers living in Garhwali village. Occasionally, B. Mohan Negi shows the pain on the face of Garhwali living in Garhwali village in his drawing and no Garhwali villager living in Garhwali village understands that absurd art of B. Mohan Negi because he never gets chance to see the drawing of Negi.
         The Garhwali villager is not necessarily live in the Garhwali village or any village. He is seen living in Garhwali village either for Religious ritual or for selling his ancestral property in the village for one and half day or two. Garhwali villagers have jobs outside of Garhwal division of Uttarakhand. The Garhwali villagers live in Garhwali villages having houses in Garhwali villages. The Garhwali villagers live in Garhwali villages have Sagwad (kitchen garden) in front of their houses in Garhwali villages. It is not necessary that Garhwali villagers live in Garhwali villages have jobs at all. After British came in power in Garhwal, the Garhwali villagers live in Garhwali villages never thought that farming is also job and that is why Garhwali villagers living in Garhwali villages never took initiative for improving farming techniques in Garhwali villages. From British time, each Garhwali villager dreamt to run away from villages, get a job in a city far way from Garhwali villages and have a Tag of Garhwali villager not living in Garhwali village. Now, Garhwali villagers not living in Garhwali villages coined a respectful Tag that is Migrated Garhwali villagers. No migrated Garhwali would like to be called them as Garhwali. Each migrated Garhwali would like to be called them as” Migrated Garhwali Villager’. Migrated and Villager are important words for a migrated Garhwali. Those migrated from Garhwali villages hundred years back; his fourth generation still calls them as ‘Migrated Garhwali Villagers’. Nothing is wrong in naming ‘Migrated Garhwali Villager’.  Saket Bahuguna the grandson of late Hemvati Nandan Bahuguna calls him a Garhwali Villager too. If not always, Mrs Rita Joshi the daughter of late Hemvati Nandan Bahuguna calls herself Garhwali villager.
    Most of the Garhwali villagers not living in a Garhwali village has at least a house , a vehicle a job of not of his choice in city outside of Uttarakhand or even in cities of Uttarakhand. Cities of Uttarakhand do not belong to Garhwal of course by emotions.  The Garhwali villagers not living in Garhwali village has right to vote and the Garhwali villager living in Garhwali village has also right to vote. The vote of Garhwali villager not living in Garhwali village not necessarily can choose the legislature for Uttarakhand assembly but the vote of the Garhwali villager living in Garhwali village can choose the legislature for Uttarakhand assembly. 
   Garhwali villagers not living in Garhwali village has power to do everything in Garhwali village as Parashar gaur building a house in his village Mirchoa but Garhwali villagers  living in Garhwali village does not have any power outside of his village.
Garhwali villagers not living in Garhwali village dreams that one day he would settle in his native place but his dram would not be fulfilled. Garhwali villagers living in Garhwali village also dreams that he would migrate to a city and it is hundred percent sure that his dream would come true. God always listen to a true villager for fulfilling his drams.


6/7/2016 Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, Mumbai
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South Asian Humor column by Garhwali Humorist about migrated and non migrated Garhwali villagers  ; South Asian Humor column by Uttarakhandi Humorist about migrated and non migrated Garhwali villagers ; South Asian Humor column by Himalayan Humorist  about  migrated and non migrated Garhwali villagers; South Asian Humor column by North Indian Humorist  about migrated and non migrated Garhwali villagers ; South Asian Humor column by Resident of Mumbai Humorist  about  migrated and non migrated Garhwali villagers; South Asian Humor column by Maharashtra resident Humorist  about migrated and non migrated Garhwali villagers ;South Asian Humor column by Indian Humorist  about  migrated and non migrated Garhwali villagers; South Asian Humor column by SAARC Country Humorist  about migrated and non migrated Garhwali villagers ;

Bhishma Kukreti

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                                जु मीन कौकटेल पार्टयुं मा सीख
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                                        चबोड़ , चखन्यौ , चचराट :::   भीष्म कुकरेती   

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भौत सा लोक खासकर प्रवासी गढवळि बुल्दन बल कौकटेल पार्टी  बकबास करणो तरीका च , समय बर्बाद करणो  तरीका च अर पैसा उड़ानों एक व्यसन  च।  असल मा गलत बुल्दन। कौकटेल पार्टी से आप स्यु सीख सकदन जु मैनेजमेंट क्लास मा नि सीख सकदा , उन आम क्लास मा नि सीख सकदा अर वु चीज ब्वे बाबुं से नि सीख सकदां जु कौकटेल पार्टयुं से सीख सकदां।
 मीन गढ़वळयूं द्वारा गढ़वळयूं खुणै कौकटेल पार्टयुं मा इ सीख कि हम गढ़वळि ना अपितु प्रवासी छंवां।
मीन गढ़वळयूं द्वारा गढ़वळयूं खुणै कौकटेल पार्टयुं मा इ जाण कि गढ़वाळ का गढ़वळि अब अळगसि ह्वे गेन , निकज्ज ह्वे गैन अर यूंन खेती छोड़ आल।
मीन गढ़वळयूं द्वारा गढ़वळयूं खुणै कौकटेल पार्टयुं मा इ जाण कि अब गढ़वाळम कुछ नि धर्युं च  , गढ़वाळम   रौणै जगा नि च , अधिकांश कूड़ खंद्वार ह्वे गेन।
मीन कौकटेल पार्टी मा हरेक  दोस्त से सूण  कि मेरी घरवळि बुलणि छे बल टीवी कॉमर्शियल  मा   दिखाए जाण वळ रोटी मेकर रुटि ना इकड़ी रुटि बणान्द मतलब खाकरा बणान्द।  मतलब  हरेक दूर ढोल सुहाना हूंदन , हरेक चीज ज्वा चमकदि च सोना नि हूंद अर हरेक टीवी कॉमर्शियल चैनल मा जु डिमॉन्स्ट्रेशन हूंद वु प्रैक्टिकल हो यांकी  गारंटी ना तो मनमोहन सिंघन दे , ना नरेंद्र दामोदर द्यालो अर राहुल गांधी से तो कॉंग्रेस बि नाउम्मीदी की उम्मीद करदी ।
मीन डेढ़ साल पैल गढ़वळयूं द्वारा गढ़वळयूं खुणै कौकटेल पार्टयुं मा इ सूण याल छौ कि खंडूड़ी अर कोशियारी तो सतहत्तर साल से अळगाक छन ,डा  निशंक पर भ्रस्टाचार का आरोप साबित नि ह्वेन पर छ्वीं त लग छन , टेहरी राणी जी अबि ताजी ताजी एमपी बणी च तो चार्युं मादे कैतै बि  मोदीन मंत्री नि बणान।  इन मा अजय टमटान ही मंत्री बणण।  कौकटेल पार्टयुं मा इ सूण कि यदयपि खंडूड़ी ,  कोशियारी,  डा  निशंक , टेहरी राणी जी अर बगैर एक फुट रेल पटरी दियां रेल पुरुष बण्या भद्र पुरुष याने सतपाल महाराज जी नि चांदन कि अजय टमटा मंत्री बौणन।
 मीन गढ़वळयूं द्वारा गढ़वळयूं खुणै कौकटेल पार्टयुं मा इ जाण याल कि प्रियंका गांधी उत्तर प्रदेश मा कांग्रेसक चुनाव प्रचार कौर बि लेली पर वींन  उत्तराखंड म प्रचार नि करण। जनि पता चौालल कि प्रियंका उत्तराखंड आणि च तनी  भाजपा न आरोप लगै दीण कि प्रेम नगर छ्वाड़ रॉबर्ट बाड्रा की बेनामी जमीन च।
मीन कौकटेल पार्टयुं मा इ जाण कि मुंबई से अधिक सुख अमेरिका मा च , बच्चों का वास्ता रोजगार का अवसर अमेरिका मा मुंबई से अधिक छन अर  कौकटेल पार्टयुं मा ईबी  जाण कि अमेरिका मा अपसंस्कृति अर तनाव मुंबई से अधिक च किलकि  अमेरिका मा काम करण पड़द।
मीन कौकटेल पार्टयुं मा इ जाण कि नरेंद्र मोदीक आण से द्वी नंबरों पैसा सर्कुलेशन से गायब ह्वे गे अर रियल्टी याने प्रॉपर्टी मार्केट टाइट चलणो च।  तो फ्लैट नी बिकणा छन।  किन्तु फ्लैटों दाम कम नि होणा छन किलैकि अधिकासं बिलडरों फाइनेशर , भामाशाह तो राजनैतिक नेता इ जि छन।
मीन गढ़वळी  द्वारा गढ़वळयूं खुणै कौकटेल पार्टयुं मा इ जाण कि गढ़वाळम दारु पीणो रिवाज भौत बढ़ गे अर गढ़वाळम स्थति बद से बदतर हूणि च।  जैदिन जैं कौकटेल पार्टी मां या बात जाण वैदिन होटल का बिल मि तैं चुकाण पद किलैकि जैन होटलम कौकटेल पार्टी रखीं   छे वैका क्रेडिट कार्ड नो मनी अवेलेबल दिखाणु छौ। 
क्षमा कर्याँ मि हौर अधिक नि लेख सकुद किलकि मीन एक जगा 'शराब से शरीर अर बुद्धि दोनों का नाश  ' पर भाषण दीणो जाण अर वैक बाद एक गैर गढ़वाली दोस्त की कौकटेल पार्टी मां जाण अर उख जु बि सिखुल मि तुम तैं बथौंलु।   

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6 /7/2016 ,Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti , Mumbai India
*लेख की   घटनाएँ ,  स्थान व नाम काल्पनिक हैं । लेख में  कथाएँ , चरित्र , स्थान केवल हौंस , हौंसारथ , खिकताट , व्यंग्य रचने  हेतु उपयोग किये गए हैं।

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 Best of Garhwali Humor Literature in Garhwal
i Language , Jokes  ; Best of Himalayan Satire in Garhwali Language Literature cocktail Parties, Jokes  ; Best of  Uttarakhand Wit in Garhwali Language Literature , Jokes  cocktail Parties; Best of  North Indian Spoof in Garhwali Language Literature ; Best of  Regional Language Lampoon in Garhwali Language  Literature , Jokes cocktail Parties ; Best of  Ridicule in Garhwali Language Literature , Jokes  cocktail Parties; Best of  Mockery in Garhwali Language Literature  , Jokes    ; Best of  Send-up in Garhwali Language Literature  ; Best of  Disdain in Garhwali Language Literature  , Jokes  ; Best of  Hilarity in Garhwali Language Literature , Jokes  ; Best of  Cheerfulness in Garhwali Language  Literature   ;  Best of Garhwali Humor in Garhwali Language Literature  from Pauri Garhwal , Jokes  ; Best of Himalayan Satire Literature in Garhwali Language from Rudraprayag Garhwal cocktail Parties ; Best of Uttarakhand Wit in Garhwali Language from Chamoli Garhwal  ; Best of North Indian Spoof in Garhwali Language from Tehri Garhwal  ; Best of Regional Language Lampoon in Garhwali Language from Uttarkashi Garhwal  ; Best of Ridicule in Garhwali Language from Bhabhar Garhwal   ;  Best of Mockery  in Garhwali Language from Lansdowne Garhwal  ; Best of Hilarity in Garhwali Language from Kotdwara Garhwal   ; Best of Cheerfulness in Garhwali Language from Haridwar   cocktail Parties ;
Garhwali Vyangya, Jokescocktail Parties  ; Garhwali Hasya , Jokes ;  Garhwali skits cocktail Parties, Jokes  ; Garhwali short Skits cocktail Parties, Jokes , Garhwali Comedy Skits , Jokes , Humorous Skits in Garhwali , Jokes, Wit Garhwali Skits , Jokes 
गढ़वाली हास्य , व्यंग्य ; गढ़वाली हास्य , व्यंग्य ; गढ़वाली  हास्य , व्यंग्य,  गढ़वाली जोक्स , उत्तराखंडी जोक्स , गढ़वाली हास्य मुहावरे
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      स्वच्छ भारत  , स्वच्छ भारत , समृद्ध   उत्तराखंड ! 
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Regards

Bhishma Kukreti

Bhishma Kukreti

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               Bad Dancer blaming uneven Stage     
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                  South Asian Humor Column by: Bhishma Kukreti
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                  People play games all the times, everywhere with everybody. One of the playing game is blaming others even for own fault or shortcomings. These days, in Indian politics, blaming others for own fault is very common.
        Last evening my neighbor’s son was caught by anti corruption bureau for paying bribe. Neighbor was blaming Narendra Modi not stopping corruption. 
       Congress blames Bhartiya Janta Party for groupings in Congress and Bharity Janta Party blames Congress for BJP not getting seat in Parliament election in Tamilnadu.BJP has been blaming Congress for BJP not able to fulfill its promises done in the general election. Am Admi Party has been blaming Narendra Modi that Am Admi government is unable to fulfill the promises AAP made in Delhi assembly election.
     Common men, elites and even the TV anchors as Arnab Goswamy show distress that politicians blame opposition parties for their own faults. I do not show any shock for Bhartiya Janta party blaming Congress party for BJP led government’s failures. I have been in sales profession and I know very well the importance of bad dancer blaming the uneven stage for her or his own bad performances.
      In sales, it is said that before joining to sales profession the sales person  should know the tact of blaming others for his own bad performances.
  If you ask any sales man for the reason of not achieving sales target he will have following choices to blame others for his own non performances.
  Boss – Mr. Salesman! You did not achieve your target this year too. Why?
Salesman- Sir Narendra Modi became the Prime Minister.
Boss – What the hell! What is there to Narendra Modi being PM with your non performance?
Salesman- Sir, after Modi becoming PM the recession reached to India.
Boss – Why did market become slow after Narendra Modi became PM?
Salesman- There was slow down in Black money circulation.
Boss – I am not convinced.
Salesman- Sir! Immediate competitor’s publicity was more than us.
Boss- But last month, I provided you the figures that our publicity expenditure was double than the immediate competitor.
Salesman- The prices of third competitor were very low in market
Boss- There is no distribution network of third competitor in your area.
Salesman- Sir! There are many service problems in our products.
Boss- Last month, when you achieved your  sales target then you said that you achieved because of excellent product quality and excellent technical service back up.
Salesman- Sir! Give me five minutes for finding out why I failed.
 Long back in a monthly meet in February, I found that there was an outstanding on a dealer (client) for more than three months.
I – Salesman! There is quite old outstanding on Pandharpur dealer.
Salesman- Sir! There was flood in Pandharpur and people had to go here and there by boats.
My assistant- Dear Salesman! Flood in Pandharpur was not this year but last year.
Salesman- Oh My god!  Let me have five minutes for finding out the real reason.
     I have been a Sales Supervisor or Sales Manager for more than thirty eight years and no single sales meeting had been there where a salesman did not provide fancy reasons for his own failure.
     We human being has a permanent habit for blaming others for our own faults.
   Do you not blame uneven stage for you bad dancing performance?

/7/2016 Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, Mumbai
Bad Dancer blaming uneven Stage  game in sales;  South Asian Humor column by Garhwali Humorist about Bad Dancer blaming uneven Stage  ; South Asian Humor column by Uttarakhandi Humorist about Bad Dancer blaming uneven Stage      ; South Asian Humor column by Himalayan Humorist  about Bad Dancer blaming uneven Stage      ; South Asian Humor column by North Indian Humorist  about Bad Dancer blaming uneven Stage      ; South Asian Humor column by Resident of Mumbai Humorist  about Bad Dancer blaming uneven Stage      ; South Asian Humor column by Maharashtra resident Humorist  about Bad Dancer blaming uneven Stage      ;South Asian Humor column by Indian Humorist  about Bad Dancer blaming uneven Stage      ; South Asian Humor column by SAARC Country Humorist  about Bad Dancer blaming uneven Stage     

Bhishma Kukreti

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Humorous Garhwali oxymoron
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                                    हास्युक्त विरोधाभाषी शब्द , वाक्य , कथ्य -1
                                    गढ़वाळि हास्य -व्यंग्यकोष -भाग - 38     

                               Garhwali Humorous and Satirical Dictionary part - 38

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                                     खुज्याण , छिंडन, छँटण, बिंवन,  उकरण   ::: भीष्म कुकरेती
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महान मंदी
मि दया  दिखाणम बड़ो  निर्दयी छौं
सुखाक बान कष्ट
कष्टकारी सुख
क्षकारी अानंद
साफ साफ भ्रमित
अाकर्षक बदसूरती 
अाकर्षक निर्दयी
अाकर्षक हिंसा
मुर्दा जन चलण /हिटण
मुर्दा जन जिंदा
एकी चीज मांगन चुनण
 इखुल्या इखुली अपण  दगड़ रौण 
 वास्तविकता का नजीक
सुख शांति मा  दुखी
मठु मठु करिक दौड़ण
कमी की बहुतायत
प्रयाप्त  कमी 
छुटि सि  भीड़
काळो बरफ
फिर वु सुख से किराण
खुलो रहस्य
निष्क्रिय रूप से चपल /क्रियाशील
अदृश्य रुप  मा दृश्य
दैंत्याकार छुटु ब च्चा 
अजीब ढंग से साधारण
साधारण विलखणि
कीमत हीन सोना
भारी बर्त
बर्त मा पेट भौरिक दूध -फल --गुड़ खाण
वास्तविक /असल नकल
असाधारण अनुपस्थिति /भौत बड़ी गैरहाजरी
त्यार मरणम मजा नी अाणु  च जरा ठीक से मोर 
अंतहीन दुख चौड़ खतम हूंण
लापता दिखेण
समझदार मुर्ख
दूरदर्शन का अंधा दर्शक अर अाकाशवाणी का बैरा श्रोता 
अच्छी पीड़ा
निहुण्या कु हूण
 चुप्पी वळि  भयंकर अवाज
निर्मित /कृत्रिम प्राकृतिक गैस
साफ सुथरी गंदी जनानी /साफ  सुथर गन्दु बच्चा
 
 

7/ 7/16 @ Bhishma Kukreti , Mumbai, India

Garhwali Satire, Humor,   Dictionary oxymoron , Garhwali Satire  Dictionary oxymoron collected and edited by born in village Jaspur ;oxymoron Garhwali Satire Humor, Dictionary collected and edited by born in Dhangu Patti ; Garhwali Satire Humor,oxymoron Dictionary collected and edited by born in Dwarikhal Block ; oxymoron Garhwali Satire Humor, oxymoron Dictionary collected and edited by born in Gangasalan Pargana ; Garhwali Satire Humor, Dictionary collected and edited by born in Lainsdowne Tehsil ; Garhwali Satire Humor, oxymoron Dictionary collected and edited by born in Pauri Garhwal ; Garhwali Satire  Humor,oxymoron  Dictionary collected and edited by born in Uttarakhand; Garhwali Satire  Humor, oxymoron Dictionary collected and edited by born in Central Himalaya ;Garhwali Satire Humor,oxymoron Dictionary collected and edited by born in  North India;Garhwali Satire  Humor, oxymoron Dictionary collected and edited by born in South Asia ;oxymoron Garhwali Satire Humor,Dictionary; Garhwali send-up lexicon oxymoron  ; Garhwali spoof vocabulary oxymoron ; Garhwali lampoon oxymoron glossary; Garhwali Satire Humor,phrase book; oxymoron word list; Garhwali Humor, Satire thesaurus oxymoron ;   
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                                     स्वच्छ भारत ! स्वच्छ भारत ! बुद्धिमान भारत !     


Bhishma Kukreti

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South Asian Humor Column

         Will M.S. Dhoni Captain World Cup 2019
         
          Humor Column by: Bhishma Kukreti
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             Yesterday was great captain Dhoni’s birth day. I wanted to write about MSD. However, already so much is written about Mahi that I did not have anything to write new. Even, nothing is left for me writing on Dhoni as manager he whole day, through Whatsapp, my readers were asking me for writing about Mahendra Singh Dhoni. I had to write. Everything is known to readers about the Past of Dhoni. Only his future was unknown.
        For knowing the future of Dhoni, I met a cricket correspondent in a club. He was sitting at bar with ice bawl on his first slip and cashew nuts at second slip and ‘masala papar’ at gully. I ordered vodka with tonic for him and a rum with coke for me, and asked,” What are the chances for Dhoni captaining in World Cup?”
             The cricket expert gulped vodka, readjusted the cashew nuts from second to first slip and masala papar to the boundary of the table and answered, “It depends on the pitch conditions of Anurag Thakur and Sharad Pawar and the lost chemistry between Arun Jetaly and former cricketer Kirti Azad.  I would rather wait for a while before giving my decision for what Kirti Azad runs for.”
   I ordered a gin with tonic for him and a gin with mineral water for myself, and asked, “But, Dhoni is sweating very much in Gym on daily basis for his fitness for world cup 2019.”
“Yes! Dhoni is working hard for killing his age effects” the expert said, catching the Chicken fine  leg  and pushing pea nuts bawl towards my corner and putting again it slightly square,” For that matter, every cricketer is sweating in Gyms because of rainy season. Sweating in Gym is not the guarantee for getting captaincy in world cup.”
“ His reflexes are better than many Ranji Trophy wicket keepers” I said and ordering Vodka with Rum and Tiquira for the expert and Whisky with Eau-de-vie on the rock for myself.
Dhoni is not kept in Indian side for wicket keeping.” He said replacing pork tenderloin by chijeu-buldak at third man.
“Still Mahendra Singh is finest finisher in the world though, at present running a bad form” ordering ‘rakia’ with ‘mastika’ for the expert and ‘chacha’ with quzo without water for myself.
“ Dhoni is  kept in team not for  batting” said the cricket encyclopedia , pulling  lamb tagine from my crease to his boundary. 
“Well! you and as per other journalists experts, Dhoni is kept in Indian team or for that matter any tem in IPL for Captaincy and neither for wicket keeping nor for finisher  batsman.” Ordering whatever drinks bar tender suggested without water for the both.
“It is the question that every journalist wishing to answer for increasing the Chanel TRP and by that protecting his own reputation” pushing lamb fricassee towards off side and pulling chicken nuggets from the deep cover.
“That is why I came to you” I said.
“It all depends on the action of Kirti Azad.”  He answered by surprising me, and throwing Kuruvadu Thokku skeletons.
“What does Kirti Azad have to do with Dhoni captaining ? I asked, ordering Deshi Daru (country liquor) for final kick.
 He opened,” See! If Kirti Azad patches with Aurn Jaitley then Mohendar Amarnath would also patch and automatically, Ashok Malhotra, Ashok Sharma and Gautam Gambhir would come on Jaitley side. That chorus is utterly against Dhoni. Their influences on Jaitley will see that Dhoni is not  in Indian team and not in Jharkhand team too.”
“I don’t think Azad will patch up with Jaitley.” I said, ordering more Deashi Daru for real final kick.
‘Then, nobody can stop Dhoni captaining world cup. The expert said and gulping three Deshi daru glasses at a time.
I was thinking about the drink that could give us real kick and did not say anything.
The great Indian cricket expert asked me,” What your soul  think about chances of Dhoni remaining captain for the world cup?”
I answered seriously,” If Dhoni kills the male goat for sacrifice in the Ranchi Devi Temples he would lose the captaincy and if he does not kill the male goat for his own success he will be captaining world cup.”
Great cricket expert bent and touching my legs said,” Pundit Ji! Salute to you. I was in search for a story lead on Dhoni. Now, I will research on Dhoni killing animals for his success”

 



 


8//7/2016, Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, Mumbai
South Asian Humor column by Garhwali Humorist about  Dhoni sacrificing Goat for success; South Asian Humor column by Uttarakhandi Humorist about Dhoni killing animal for success  ; South Asian Humor column by Himalayan Humorist  about Dhoni killing animal for success  ; South Asian Humor column by North Indian Humorist  about Dhoni killing animal for success  ; South Asian Humor column by Resident of Mumbai Humorist  about Dhoni killing animal for success  ; South Asian Humor column by Maharashtra resident Humorist  about Dhoni killing animal for success  ;South Asian Humor column by Indian Humorist  about Dhoni killing animal for success  ; South Asian Humor column by SAARC Country Humorist  about   Dhoni killing animal for success





 

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