Satire and Fatkar
Once upon a time , there were bulls in my village
Bhishma Kukreti
When telephones were not available , I and my family had to visit Pahad or my village.. Thanks to mobile phone availability and news of Pahad available on Internet that now, I don’t need to show my snobbish, full of make up, urbanized, civilized, egotistical face to our literate but uncivilized village fellows. On mobile phone, I can be in touch of villagers. By calling to my relatives or village fellows , I get some knowledge and I boost myself to other migrated Pahadi in Mumbai that I have full knowledge of Pahadi villages and their grass root problems. I worship along with other deities the mobile phone which is blessing for me that mobile phone don’t allow me not to visit my ancestral village.
Yesterday, was a festival and to know what is happening in villages that I heighten in my opinion to other migrated Phadai in Mumbai , I called my uncle (my father’s far cousin) .
I said, “ Oh ! Uncle ! Congratulations ! For this auspicious festival !”
He shouted on me , “ What congratulations ? These days, festival are tedious for we villagers.”
I showed synthetic worry and sympathy , “ What did happen Kaka ?”
He yelled , “ Kharindu hwe ge ! I am on the way to other village which, is twenty kilometer away .”
I asked, “ Is some body died that you are not present in village on this festival ?”
He told, “ It is more than dieing our beloved. At least we get whisky after funeral from deceased’s family side”
Now , I was really worried as some grave matter was there and I asked in pathos voice , “ What is so urgency that you need to go on foot to other village which is twenty kilometer away from our village?”
He replied unenthusiastically, “ You know , today we have to put oil on horns of bulls and offer them Peendo (barley flour cake ) and sesame oil.”
I showed my knowledge arrogantly, “ Yes ! Kaka! On this auspicious day, every family worships bulls as symbol of our gratitude to bulls who are backbone of our agriculture, put oil on their horns and offer to bulls Peendo and sesame oil. “
Kaka said, “ Since, no family in our village or nearby villages does farming, therefore, no family has bulls, I have to go twenty kilometer away to other village where by default, a family has a pair of bulls…”
I asked , “ What do you mean by defaults , there is a pair of bulls?”
Uncle answered, “ It is mistake of lone caw of that family that all the time she gave birth to male calves.”
Now understanding the case, I said, “ Thanks the mistake of reverend caw and there is custom to kill the male calves before or after delivery as we Indians kill the female child before her birth .”
He supported, “ Yes 1 this is boon in the ruins that caw of that family gave birth to male calves only. I am overloaded by Peendo and sesame oil bottles to carry all the way to other village.”
I asked shockingly, “ What do you mean by overloaded ?”
He revealed, “ Since, I am the only male alive in ten families of our village left because of migration , I am carrying Peendo and sesame oil bottles of ten families .Now I am putting off phone as I have to climb high slope for fifteen kilometers.”
I called to my far maternal uncle of my ‘mamkot’ village and congratulated him . He angrily screamed,” A very bad day ! “
I asked, “ Is there any damage ?”
He answered, “ I am roaming village to village in search of a bull to put oil on their horns, offering them Peendo and sesame oil.”
I asked, “ Could you not find a pair of bull in your area?”
“ No , Forget about matured bulls , there is no single male calf in our area and now I am in the territory of other Tahsil as each one of us sells calf to Naziabad business men as soon as caw leaves providing milk” he said and put off phone.
I called to a relative in my in law village, “ Sasur Ji ! Have you found bulls to offer Peendo and sesame oil ?”
He answered , “ Oh Jawani Ji ! After visiting many villages , I got a family , which by default ha a pair of bull.”
I asked, “ What do you mean by default?
“ This am was in Delhi. When Uttarakhand was created, in great hope, he left a good paying job in Delhi and took farming a profession in village and bought bulls for plough.” he answered.
I interpreted , “ Is he happy taking farming profession in village.”
He rebuked , “ You fool! No body does farming in our modern village in Pahad. Since, other families don’t do farming , this man cant start farming.”
I questioned, “ Then what for is he having bulls “
He replied , “ I don’t know about how he is meeting his daily expenses. But I know that in each festival, villagers from four five Tahsils come here to offer Peendo and oil to his bulls. He doe not take prepared Peendo but takes barley, mustard, sesame oil and charges one thousand rupees from each family for touching his bulls.”
I said, “ Oh ! “
He said, “ I am standing in the long line of offerings to bulls. There are around four hundred men before me and three hundred after me in the line.”
I put off the phone as there was nothing to ask.
Copyright @ Bhishma Kukreti, bckukreti@gmail.com
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