Author Topic: Satire on various Social Issues - सामाजिक एवं विकास के मुद्दे और हास्य व्यंग्य  (Read 94853 times)

Bhishma Kukreti

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Satire and Fatkar
                      My Village Achieving 100 % Modernity
                                      Bhishma Kukreti
    In our childhood, my cousin Chandu Bhaiji  dreamt for the modern life in Mumbai and I dreamt for a college teacher in rural Garhwal. However, it happened the opposite. He is a lecturer in an Inter college near by  my village and I do job in Mumbai.
  Before mobile of telephone came , we used to share our experiences through letters not through post office but through our area men  going to area villages from Mumbai or coming to Mumbai from villages. Most of the time, I tell my memories of village life of my childhood and he tells the tales of my village achieving modernity.
       Like other day, he gave miss call on my mobile,  I called him again and he said, “ Bhishma ! Now, our village achieved fifty percent modernity“
.Happily I asked,” That is fine . What is new achievement?”
Chandu Bhaiji answered,”  This year on Vasant Pinkham , we stopped putting Hariyali on upper part of doors.”
I said ,” That’s fine. By the way, what about  common toilets for villagers?’
He said, “ No I don’t think we shall get grant for the common toilets for the villagers. The government is asking fifty rupees from each family and no body is ready for such a useless utility for this money.”
          Another day, he gave a miss call, I called him and he said,” Bhishma ! We got fifty five percent modernity in my village. From this year, we villagers stopped celebrating Makar Samkranti  but started celebrating Valentine day. And even the older men and women enjoyed Valentine day celebration. Really valentine day is very enjoyable festival. By starting Valentine day celebration, we progressed two  percent in achieving modernity and by stopping Makar Samkranti  celebration, we got three percent achievement in progressing towards modernity in our village ”
I asked,” Bhaiji! Is there  any progress for Patti Canal ? If that canal would be completed , the whole area would be irrigated “
He answered, “ No ! no body in the area is interested to bring irrigation canal because, canal means agriculture, horticulture and both are the sign of non-modernity. We all villagers are now, bent to reach  hundred percent modernity in each village”
  Like that after getting his  miss call, I called him and asked, “ Bhaiji ! What happened electrification in the area?”
         He answered with enthusiastically , “ No body is interested in electrification because, electricity bills are more than burden on us. But we got progress by five percent in achieving modernity. From this year, we villagers stopped celebrating First Day of Shak Sambat or Goodi Padiva and by that we could attain  three percent progress in achieving modernity This year only, we stated celebrating Christian new year on thirty fist December and first January . We all enjoyed Christian  new year eve by taking alcoholic drinks by all including women folks of villages and we all danced whole night. Christian New year is better than our Hindu new year celebration from enjoyment point of view. By this we got two percent advancement in accomplishing  modernity in our villages”
Concluding,  he said,” Till now , we have achieved eighty five percent modernity in our village.
     I came know that my Taiji (Chandu Bhaiji’s mother)  expired and I called him. And came to know that he was in funeral and offering pyre to Taiji’s dead body. After an  hour he gave miss call, as usual I called him and said sadly, “  I am sorry Tai Ji expired. She was my second mother for me”
          Happily and applaud  , he answered,” Yes mother is no more but our village achieved hundred percent modernity. Now our village is hundred percent modern”
 I confusingly asked,, “ How come by the death of ttaiji our village is hundred percent modern”
Chandu Bhaiji  answered joyfully, “ You know ! My Mother was the only person in our village who used to speak in our mother tongue that is Garhwali language and forcefully me and my wife had to speak in Garhwali language with her. Now she is no more and no body will speak in Garhwali language in our village. Now, every body will talk in Hindi only. Bhishma ! We improved fifteen percent  in realizing hundred percent  modernity in the village. Now you can call us modern too.”  He further informed me, “  All villagers decided that we shall celebrate this biggest ever achievement of hundred percent modernity on Terhveen (thirteenth day of death) of my mother and we shall take thirteen types of alcoholic drinks on that day”
Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, Mumbai, India, 2010
 

 


Bhishma Kukreti

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Satire and  Fatkar
                                      Shramdan Changing into Sharamdan
                                          Bhishma Kukreti
   Thanks to Information Technology department that the department erected mobile towers in each area of my Patti and adjacent Patti in Garhwal  . Now, my all relatives in Garhwal are having mobile phone. My relatives in Garhwal  are happy but my wife is annoyed that every month ,  my mobile bill is increasing progressively.
Today morning I get a missed call and I could not recall the caller . I got six missed calls from same cell number. At last, I called the miss caller and asked,” Who is there?”
        The answer was,” I am your far elder cousin Bahwani. You don’t have manner to respect your elder. I have been giving you missed calls and you did not recall me.”
I apologized,“ Sorry! Bahwani dada! I was busy with my other daily routine. Tell my why were there so many missed calls from you?”
 Bhawani dada said, “ From future, see that you call me on my missed calls. You write a letter to Jila Parishad Pauri about reconstruction of collapsed   Sanjait Batu  (public road)  in Banjan (where Oak tress are abundantly) . For six years, we villagers are facing difficulties in that path. Now , it is high time that government reconstruct the ruined road.”
 I asked, “ You mean the road on hilly side which, our great grand fathers and great grand mothers built on  Shramdan( cooperative basis without charging to anybody for labour ). Cant all villagers do again Shramdan and rebuild the path, which is very important for the village?”
Bhawani dada said, “ Why should we do Shramdan when we have democratic government chosen by us. Don’t waste time on  this petty matter of  Shramdan . You just send a strong letter to Jila Parishad”
 I wanted to go for bathing but another caller called but again it was miss call. The callers called three time and all were miss calls.
 I had to recall the caller and I asked,” Who is there?”
 He answered, “ You don’t have good manners. I am signaling  you through miss calls and that means you should have called me immediately. I am Mahipal  from your Bua’s Sasural and by relation I am your uncle.”
 I apologized, “ I am sorry Mahipal  Kaka ! Tell me Kaka  ! why did you put  missed calls?”
Mahipal Kaka said, “ Our Sanjait Baudi (public water reservoir for irrigation) is washed last to last rainy season . The villagers are facing difficulty for irrigation for last two years. You write a strong letter to irrigation department Dehradun for rebuilding this Baudi “
 I asked, “  If I am not mistaken hundred years back , your villagers built this Baudi on cooperative labour basis. Each family used to earn at least fifty thousand buck in one season  by growing potatoes and onions due to that reservoir. Why don’t your villagers build again on Shramdan (cooperative labour basis) this life line of your village?”
 Kaka said, “ From Mumbai, you don’t teach us what we villagers should do and what we should not do. We are living in democratic country and it is shameful for we villagers of modern time  if we build our public water reservoir on Shramdan (cooperative labour)  basis. You see that you write a strong letter to the state irrigation department for building public water reservoir .”
Instead me , he put off phone.
  I was just remembering my late Bua Ji and Fufa Ji and in between there were ten  signals for missed calls . I called after fifteen minutes the caller, “ Who is there ?”
 There was answer,” You don’t have manner. I am signaling you to call me back immediately by providing missed calls and you did call me very late . I am Raija Arya from your Mama kot (the village of maternal uncle) . By relation, I am your Mama (maternal uncle) .”
I asked,” Tell me Raija Mama ! “
Raija Mama said,” You post a report on local papers of Uttarakhand that even after so many reminders from our village the horticulture department of Uttarakhand is not responding.”
I asked, “ What is there for horticulture department to respond immediately?”
Raija Mama explained, “ Nine  decades ago, our grand parents  built fruit garden in our village.”
I said, “ Yes! My mom told me many times the story of building fruit gardens there. Every family contributed to build the garden by way of labour and some money for fruit plant. It was marvelous example of  Shramdan in our area.”
He interrupted and said, “ Now, that beautiful and beneficial garden which you have seen many times  is no more. That garden require major reconstruction or repair and re-plantation. For last six years, we have been requesting horticulture department to reconstruct the garden but there is no response at all.”
I said, “ MamaJi! The villagers can reconstruct fruit garden by  Shramdan and by way  contribution from each family.”
Raija Mama Said, “ You don’t know ground reality of Garhwal by sitting in air-conditioned rooms in Mumbai . From Mumbai, don’t teach us what we villagers should  do and what should not  do. We villagers are no fool that we spend our hard earned money by contributing on public utility . We are in democratic country and we should not spend money by way of cooperative methods on public utility. You make pressure on government by publishing news of non response from horticulture department on all local papers of Garhwal and specially Dehradun” Instead of me, he put off phone.
  By evening, I got hundred miss calls from ten  persons from my village area and I had to recall every caller . Every body was bent upon  asking grant from government to construct something, which , at older age villagers used to construct by way of Shramdan (contribution by labour and money) . Every body taught me that in democracy, no body should do Shramdan.

Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, Mumbai, India, 2010


 




Bhishma Kukreti

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Satire and Fatkar
            Sudden  Interest in  Armed Force Job
                    Bhishma Kukreti
                Other day, I got call from my Bwada ( father’s elder brother) from Garhwal, “ Bhishma ! Listen you have to make arrangement that my grandson gets job in Army Supply Core. You have influence there for  getting job.”
    I said,” Bwada ! It is fine that I will see that my nephew (Bwada’s grand son) gets job in armed supply core. However,  a few years back you were deadly against our family members joining army . Your view was that PWD is better department than army”
       Bwada made me understand,” Yes! a few years back army division was not corrupt department. Now , I heard that now a days, there is more corruption in army supply core than PWD or CPWD and every employee of army supply core may mint money”
     Next day, I got a call from my maternal uncle village (mamakot).  Jaya Nand Lohar called, “ Bhanje Bhishma ! I heard that you have very good  relation in military employment section “
  I replied,” Yes . “
Jaya Nand Lohar said,” Please make arrangement that my younger son gets job in Canteen Store Department that is CSD”
I asked, “ But mama ! A couple years back,  you were telling that forest department is better department to work.”
He explained,” You are right.  ! On those days, forest department was more corrupt than military services . I heard that each CSD employee  gets commission on registering the supplier and on each purchases for army canteen as well”
Another day, I got a call from my sasural village . Anand Singh Rawat called me and said, “ Bhishma jamwain ji ! You have very good influence in Navy employment exchange.  Please help my son getting job in Naval coastal guard department “
 I replied, “ But, Rawwat Ji ! Last month , you said that custom department was better than Naval coastal department to work.”
Anand Singh Rawat explained, “ On that time, I was not knowing that there are  opportunies for  corruption in Navy Coastal Guard department. I had a wrong knowledge that custom department was the only corrupt department.”
   Next day another call came from my sister’s sasural village. Atma Ram  said, “ Kukreti ji, it is good to know that you have very good influence in military Spy department. Please help my grandson getting job there in military spy department “
 I asked, “ But , Atmaram Ji ! a months back  days back you were of opinion that income tax department is better than military spy department “
Atmaran clarified, “ I was  ignorant on that time that income tax department is more  corrupt department than other government department. When I heard the news of MS Gupta betraying India , I changed my opinion. Now I am sure that there are chances of corruption in military spy department too.”
 Today, wife said,” You have good influence in army employment exchange . Help my friend’s son getting job in armed forces”
I said, “ Suddenly how come did  your friend become patriotic ?”
 Wife described, “ Oh no. She does not want to send her son in army for patriotic reasons but  she says that now , there are ample chances of corruption in armed force departments and that way there are opportunities  of extra earning than salary”
 I said, “ Oh my god . Now I am worried man about the new perception about armed force employment”
 Wife said, “ You should worry about my friend’s son  getting job in armed forces . Let the prime minister, ministers , officers of armed forces be worry about people’s wrong perception about military services “
 (This is pure work of fiction)
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Bhishma Kukreti

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Satire and Fatkar
  In Search of Patwari (a Revenue cum Police office )
                    Bhishma Kukreti
   In old days, it was easy to deal with Patwari. Patwaris  used to do many works as Dakhil Kharij, character certificates etc free of under the table fees. In my childhood , I never heard word Ghoos (Bribery) . I came to know about Ghoos or bribery only when I read the word in Bhargav dictionary in seventh standard . If you take Gheeki Ghnati , the Patwari would be happiest person.  Offering Goat meat was luxury in our area as less of families had goats in my time because migration was became a fashion before I was born. Patwari s had less needs and they were less greedy too. Ptawari Ka Chapdasi Ji used to do many jobs in leo of Tamakhu ki Dhnidi
 These days, Patwaris are of different genre. A few months back I had to go for registration my ancestral property in village and  I had to visit Patwari ki Chauki  along with my cousin
    I met there Patwari ji Ka Chapdasi Ji who after knowing my motives,  asked us  to wait for some time as he was  going  Gadhan for an urgent work. I thought that he would be going for toileting but I was wrong. When he came back his face was covered by ash. He told that since, Raja Ram ji was not there , he had to take care of country liquor distillery (definitely all illegal) run by Raja Ram ji .
Surprisingly I said, “ A country liquor distillery nearby Patwari Chauki?”
He replied, “ Why are you surprised ? I had been Mumbai and in opposite of Jogeshwari police station , there was an Aunti ka Adda (illegal bar) . There,  policemen too used to come to have drinks. If it can happen in Mumbai , it may also happen in village.”
     My cousin asked him about whereabouts of Patwari Ji
Chapdasi ji informed, “ You know Jila Parishad member  Heera Singh ji had come from capital . He is very gentleman. He wished to Patwari ji to go for Ayedi (hunting of antelope family) . Patwari ji respects every gentleman . Today,  Patwari ji has gone Puryath ka Danda for hunting Ghweed - Kakhad”
   I shouted, “ Patwari ji Ayad Khilna Jayan chhan ? , Has Patwari ji gone for hunting?’
    The Chapdasi Ji answered, “ If Salman Khan could go for hunting with the help of police fellows our Patwari ji can also go for hunting in our area”
      We came back from Chauki as Chapdasi ji advised us to come another day.
 We visited Chauki another day. Patwari ji was not there. Chaukidar Ji informed that Patwari ji had gone to second marriage process  of Lalt Dev . Chaukidar Ji told,” Don’t be shocked.  Lalit Dev is a gentle person. Unfortunately,  his first wife could deliver five daughters and no sons, Lalit dev is forced to marry second time”
 We had to wait for two more days to get appointment of Patwari ji
    Next to next day, Chapdasi ji was absent too. Raja Ram ji was there who informed that Patwari ji had gone to protect Jungal mafia Gajendra ji  from Chipko Foundation activists . Raja Ram ji provided knowledge in advance that Ptwari ji will catch chipko activists and in the mean time Gajendra Ji ‘s men would have completed their jobs of cutting the Tun trees. Since, Gajendra ji is very very gentleman, Patwaari ji cooperates with Gajendra ji .
    I was frustrated for Patwari ji’s cooperation to gentlemen of our area as I had to leave  for Mumbai within a few days.
Understanding my agony, Rajaram ji advised, “ Patwari ji is very gentleman and always is cooperative to gentleman”   
Next day, as per the advice of Rajaram ji , I handed over a packet of two thousand bucks to  Chaukidar ji for registration and Photo Cards.
 Surprisingly, third day , Patwari ji was at my house with necessary papers and did all formalities at my house only. When I got Photo cards , Patwari ji offered me a country liquor bottle distilled by Rajaram ji and said, “Raja Ram is very gentle person. He sent you a personal gift because you are a gentleman”
While seeing of Patwari ji and his Chapdasi ji , Patwari ji said, “ You are a gentleman and that is why I cooperated with you. I am very cooperative with gentleman”
I am still confused whether Patwari ji means gentleman for me or for the packet of two thousand bucks.

(Just a work of fiction)
Copyright @ Bhishma Kukreti, bckukreti@gmail.com

Bhishma Kukreti

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Satire and Fatkar
    Vikash Darshan Yatra (A Travelogue to witness Development in my Village)
                          Bhishma Kukreti 
       A few days back, I visited my native village after a few years. Second day, I asked to my cousin , “I read on news letters that there have been hundred of developmental works in our  village . Will you show me those works cited in news letters published from Kotdwara and Dehradun?”
My cousin said enthusiastically , “ Why not ! It would me my great pleasure to show you you hundred of developmental works in our village”
 He took me at corner of village from where the Gwarbat ( a less wide road and in Garhwali,  it means the road which is sufficient for domestic animals to walk) leads to  other villages of western direction. He showed a half built pillar where one Sangmarmar  plate was there on pillar and was written, “ This gate of Jaspur was inaugurated by  Jilla parishad member Shri… and the gate was built with the efforts of Gram pradhan under the Ati Pichhda Gram Vikash yojana “
      I asked, “ Why was the gate not  completed ? “
  Cousin answered , “ The second day of  this gate foundation ceremony , the anti corruption bureau caught our Vikash Purush gram pradhan for  corruption in Gramin Bellow Poverty Line (BPL) Yojana and gate could not be built.”
I said , “ Very  sad!”
  He took me to southern corner of our village and in between I saw a foundation stone installed on the hundred years old wall of Biasaun (a resting place for Ghasiyarin -Grass dwellers) . The carving on Sangamarmar plate said, “ Is Bisaun  ka Ucchikaran , Vikash Prerak Khsetriy Sarpanch ….ke athak Prayash se hua . The Bisaun was elevated by the great efforts of Sarpanch of this area “
 My cousin explained , “ As soon as the foundation stone was inaugurated the Vikash Prerak Sarpanch was arrested for molesting to a Ghasiyarin  and the Bisaun elevation could not be completed. You will find such foundation stones in each village of our area. Had our Vikash Prerak Sarpanch  not arrested,  we could see Bisaun elevation in each village”
 I said , “ Bad luck for hard working Ghasiyarin ”
  In between reaching from western corner to southern corner of village,  we came to Gorun ki Nauli (a small built ditch or reservoir for domestic animals taking water). It seems that there had been some disturbances there as the ditch was totally dry now and there was no sign of water spring at all .There was a stone which was showing the script , Is Nauli ka Adhunikaran ka Shilanyash Vikash Samarhak Jila Parishad Sadsy ke Hathon v Unke Prayash se Hua . Vikash Samarthak Jilla parishad member .. Inaugurated the work of modernization of this Gorun Ki Nauli “ 
         My cousin explained, “ Just when Vikash Samarthak ji was inaugurating , Kanungo and Patwari ji (police)  came and arrested our Vikash Samarthak ji for his selling water pipes meant for our villages to a Nazibabad shopkeepers. Due to carelessly work the Nauli water has gone down deep”
   I said, “ Bad news ! for our domestic animals !”
      Just a half kilometer away from Gorun ki Nauli I saw a foundation stone  stating , “ Is pul ka  Udhghatan  Vikash Pujari Vidhyak shri … ke kar kamlon se hua . Vikash Pujari MLA inaugurated the bridge and it was his efforts to build this bridge.”
   My cousin elucidated , “ Our Vikash Pujari MLA inaugurated such hundreds of  bridges in each villages  of his constituency just before the election commissioner  declared the election. Unforytunately Vikash Pujari lost the election  and the bridge was not completed beyong foundation stone”
I said, “ Bad luck for Guni and Bandar  (monkeys) as I don’t think villagers needed this bridge at all “
  The cousin wanted to take towards steep hill and I did not have courage to walk on the steep hill. I asked cousin , “ How many such developmental foundation stones will be there in our village ?”
He answered, ‘ Now a days, on an average every month, one foundation stone is installed not only in our village but in each village . By that count at least, there will be three hundred developmental foundation stones installed in our village”
 I told, “ Bhaiji ! I am little bit tired. I need energy “
 He said, “ Ok ! Let us go to Pradhan ji to take best country liquor of our area distilled by his son in his Kacchi Daru ki Bhatti “
 I agreed to do so .

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Bhishma Kukreti

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                           Water Crisis in  2075
                               Bhishma Kukreti
 E-diary  -Christmas 2075
     My great grand father was lucky that on Sunday , he and his family used to wake up after eight  AM ,. Then they used to take breakfast . His diary is with me and he wrote that on Sunday, after breakfast, they used to sleep . Then they used to take lunch at two PM and again used to go for sleep . Sunday means a sleeping day not only for them for all Indians Sunday used to be sleeping day.
 However, we are not lucky as my great grand father and his family. We have to wake at four AM on Sunday.  After waking , we wipe our face and clean eyes by special ‘non-hydro’ tissue paper . The wife keeps  ‘ Thirst   Resistance Injection ‘ ready and we all members have to take ‘Thirst Resistance Injection ‘ by our own. After taking ‘Thirst Resistance Injection’ , we take Tea or Coffee alkaloid tablets as per our need. These tablets don’t require water to gulp.
 Exactly at four thirty AM, I watch television (the gazette is within hand watch and the screen is in the air) . Now a days, there is no excitement in watching news in morning. For many years same types of news are there. Russia has been attacking its neighbors for some buckets of water. . Chechnya, Sardonic,  Check, Yugoslavia are not fighting ethnic battles on daily basis but do battle for few cups of water from rivulets within the geography. Iran and Iraq  are busy for water battle for many decades. One day Iraq wins and gets two buckets of water and other day Iran wins and becomes fortunate to gain one and half litter water. North and south Korea are now one country and fighting with Japan for ten buckets of water . Most of the time, Japan is winner. In Africa, now,  the  water battle has taken new turn. Now , in Africa, the battle is not within  Kabilas (tribes) but within families for a bucket of water. Water shortage made Africa the continent of thousands countries . Every second, there  is entry of new African members in UNO as families became the countries in Africa. Europe does not have Euro as currency but now, it is called Eurowater’ as common currency of Europe. America is still dominating country as it along with Canada are major exporters of water to developing countries and these countries twist the under developed countries by offering them a  bottle of water in a month. Definitely, the water is not distributed to public but is used by highest authorities in the name of public benefits.
            Every month,   Bangladesh threatens India  that if it is not given extra thirty buckets of water she will jump into Chinese camp and India has to provide extra thirty buckets of water to Bangladesh. Now a days, there is no battle for Kashmir between Pakistan and India but for Sindhu rivulet (now Sindhu river is not river but small rivulet). Due to battle along with the bank of Sindhu , both countries cant get single drop of Sindhu water but political compulsions for  both the countries keep them fighting for Sindhu rivulet.
 In Indian front, there is always news about water scams by all leaders. Since , each and every  leaders of all political or social organizations are engaged in water scam, no opposition party attacks other organizations or leaders for water scams. People enter into politics to get water benefits only.
        After watching these boring news , I and my wife take dry bath which is very costly and we can afford this dry bath on weekly basis. As far as water bath is concerned,  we Indians are fortunate that we get a bucket per person from government once in six months. The news is that in most of the  countries, there is no any custom of water bath. Now a days, we don’t celebrate Deepawali or Makar Sankranti festivals but the day ,  we gat bathing water  that day is our deposal, Rakhshabandhan or Holi etc.
   My wife and  I see that children take dry bath on weekly basis
After dry bath, we both have to be ready for the Sunday’s compulsory tasks.
              I shall go to  Drinking Water Rashion Shop at eight AM and will get three  liter water for a weak. Though, we are four members in family but according to Rashion card we are six members (definitely I had to pay heavy price to public distribution officer to do so) . Though, census shows that Indian population is two hundred crores but in reality is one fifty crores because every body show more family members than actual to get extra water.    Till four o clock I get three liters water and come back happily. In the mean time, the  wife who is in the line of Cooking Water Rashion shop from eight Am will also return happily. At five PM, I shall stand in the line of Thirst Resistance injection Rashion Shop  and wife will stand in the line of various food and beverage tablets Rashion shop . These tablets don’t require water to gulp. At nine PM we shall return to our house as if we have won the Sindh battle .
              At ten PM, we all Muhalla Wales irrespective of  our religions and sects , will assemble at Jal Devi Mandir and will pray “ O Jal Devi ! please bring back all those glaciers which have been wiped out due to greed of our forefathers. O ! Jal Devi ! Bring back the season rains”
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Bhishma Kukreti

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             Unity by Splitting and Dividing
                            Bhishma Kukreti
 Other day, there was a cultural function of a newly formed Uttarakhandi organization Uttarakhand Hiteshani Sabha in Noida. Most of the known Uttarakhandi social workers of Delhi, Gudgaon, Ghaziabad, Faridabad, Noida (NCER) attended the Uttarakhandi Song and Dance program. But a few social workers came out from the hall and  sat in a moderate bar in a locality adjacent to  Noida .
After placing order for two bottles of whisky, the committee member of Garhwal Bhratri Mandal , Dhaulakunvan said, “ There is an urgent  need of unity among all social organizations . You see I am one and half years senior than my colleague in Garhwal Bhratri Mandal but this new organization Hitaisani Sabha called my junior on the stage for honoring him and not me . We must do immediately  something for the unity of Uttarakhandis in Delhi area “
The bartender has started  serving the whisky to all and a committee member Uttarakhand Vichar Manch Faridabad said,” Yes! You are right . There is very urgent need of unity among all the social organizations of Delhi area. See! This new organization called four members of Uttarakhand Mitra Mandal Faridabad  on the stage to honor but not me. Though I am there a committee member of Uttarakhand Vichar Manch from the day one when we bifurcated Old Uttarakhand Mitra Mandal  Faridabad and formed new Uttarakhand Vichar Manch. We all here, are seasoned social workers and it is our duty to think about unity of Uttarakhandis in Delhi area “
           In agitating mood, gulping a full whisky peg, the committee member of Uttarakhand Pravashi Sangh Sahibabad  said,” I do agree with you .We can not sit ideally . We most aware Uttarakhandi social workers cant keep quite to see diminishing unity among Uttarakhandis. Take the case of my organization Uttarakhand Pravashi Sangh. I applied for fund to my social organization for doing a rehabilitation camp in my village for stopping alcohol consumptions among village folks but the president bluntly said that first we should take care of Sahibabad people. Wah! We are Uttarakhandi and first we should  take care of our brothers and sisters in Uttarakhand .Let us think seriously about the unity of Uttarakhandis in Delhi area”
 Sipping  third peg, the committee member of Uttaranchal Kala Kendra Ghaziabad said, “ yes our unity is in danger. I am afraid if we intelligent Uttarakhandi sit inactive, no body will be there to take name of Uttarakhand in Delhi area. Take example of my organization. I requested my organization about funding a Bhangada dance of Sali but my organization refused funding .This is ridiculous. If our organization cant encourage my Sali’s talent, how come they can help other Uttarakhandis! We must act very fast  for unity of Uttarakhandis in Delhi area”
Every body was showing their worries about diminishing unity among Uttarakhandis in Delhi area.
 A senior social worker who had been in tens of organizations asked,” You all are right. Our unity is in much danger than what we see on the surface. What is your suggestion?:
 The committee member of a six month  old organization Uttarakhand  Maha Sangh said,” Let us form a  new organization.”
Everybody cheered loudly as if everybody were waiting for this suggestion. “ Yes ! Yes! We can not see diminishing unity among Uttarakhandis in Delhi area”
Gulping fourth whisky peg, the committee member of nine  months old Uttarakhand Sena Dal said,” Yes I am also for forming new social organization to save the unity of Uttarakhandis in Delhi area. What should be the name of this new organization?”
Though, he had fifth pegs in his belly, the committee member of six  months old organization Uttarakhand Sarvpakhsiy  Dal said, “ United Uttarakhand Maha Sabha is the best name for our new organization”
Everybody appreciated the idea and gulped whisky peg in excitement for new name.
The committee member of a week  old organization Asli Uttarakhand Hitaisani Sabha asked,” What should we do now?”
The committee member of three days old organization Uttarakhand Yuva Kalyan Mandal cleared the confusion,” As usual! First we shall send press notes about the aims of our new organization. Then we shall print the letter head of United Uttarakhand Maha Sabha and that is all.”
Now, everybody was satisfied .however, a committee member of fifteen days  old  organization Sacchi Ki  Uttarakhand Hitaisani Sabha said,” That’s fine. I have connection in media and I shall see that all vernacular papers of   Delhi and all papers of Uttarakhand give full coverage .”
Committee member of  Uttarakhand Ekta Samiti asked ,” I am with you in formation of new organization for the unity of Uttarakhandis but tell me what will be the subject of press release?”
The committee member of Uttarakhand ki  Ekmev Ekta Samiti , “ The subject will be that in the interest of unity of Uttarakhandis in Delhi area , intelligent and Uttarakhand super conscious people formed a new organization which , will work for the unity of Uttarakhandis in Delhi area.”
Everybody said,” That is fine .That is fine”
Xxx      xxx        xxx                xxx             xxx              xxx            xxxx
After one month, in the name of unity among Uttarakhandis in Delhi area, the ultra conscious people formed ten new social organizations and not surprisingly,  every organization is aiming to unite Uttarakhandis all over India
(This work is work of fiction. Any name or place resembles with the satire , it is just coincident .)

Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti, Mumbai, India , 2010











Bhishma Kukreti

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Satire and Fatkar
                 Regret for Not Looting India
                                     Bhishma Kukreti
    Other day my uncle said sitting among our family members , “ I regret I did not join active politics”
My aunt said, “ What do you mean by not joining active politics ? Every month, you sit one or other Dharana for some social cause and if I had not been earning as school teacher we would have been beggars”
 My uncle answered, No ! No ! I am social cause activist . I am talking if I had been in parliamentary  politics “
My another aunt asked , “ If you would have been in parliamentary politics , what would you have achieved?”
My uncle answered,’ I would have looted my state as many chief ministers of India did . If I would have been a corporate or MLA I would have made  money by all corrupt methods. If I would have been a minister, at this day,  I would have been trillion .Just being a sober corrupt politician I would have been trillion ”
My cousin said, “ I agree with uncle. If I would have been an officer in home ministry I would have leaked the secret to businessmen and I would have billions in my pocket. I feel very sorry that  I am unable to loot India.” 
My brother said,” I also feel ashamed that being in private firm I am not able to burglarize my motherland . If I had been government officer in any ministry handling Public Factories , under reform era, I would have helped minister for selling government at lower cost to businessmen and would have made huge properties for many coming generations. I regret I did not try for  India Administrative Service (IAS) and could not loot India ”
My another cousin said, “  I also regret that instead of passing charted accountancy  I would have tried for Indian Revenues Service (IRS) and would have earned money by all possible corrupt methods. “
My another cousin said, ‘ I also  repent  that I would have opted as government contractor and would have looted India or would have looted public money “
My another brother said, “ I also feel sorry that I should have been a commission agent , power broker or so called lobbyist and would have made money without any much hardship but just by using contacts in government circle . I feel sorry that I am not getting any pie from the loot”
 My grand father shouted, “ Just shut up. The society is never alive  by corrupt members but it is alive by non corrupt society members though in lesser numbers.
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Bhishma Kukreti

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 Fatkar and no Satire
  Congress and BJP have been   Fooling  all the People all the Time
                  Bhishma Kukreti
   Some stray thoughts about democracy and the political parties who are responsible to take democracy on its height. These are not mine but these thoughts are of Indian common men .
   Sonia Gandhi, Bal Thakary are making fool of Indian people all the time. They show that they  sacrifice the chair or post . However, the chief minister or any minister of Shiv Sena  ask to Bal Tthakary about lunch menu whenever they are in legislative assembly . Sonia Gandhi have been making  the Indian people fool for many years that she is not greedy for highest post. However , every Indian knows the real fact that Manmohan singh might be prime minister of India but in reality Sonia Gandhi  indirectly runs the government. She eats cake and keeps too. If government runs well Sonia Gandhi gets credit for her able leadership but when there is scam or worst administrative laps either the minister, group of ministers, or political workers get the criticism.  Bal Tahkary had guts to say that he had  remote control  with him  for running Shiv Sena government . Sonia Gandhi does not have guts to tell so. It can happen only in the shadow of democracy
   When  Bhartiya Janta party was coming up political party it used to boost for its different character but BJP proved that in power,  it is just a bad copy of congress. Indian people never saw original concept of BJP except to mix religion with politics in the name of democracy.
   In an interview , Congress chief Sonia Gandhi told to reporters that her party is against corruption . No body could  ask her - why are there so many corrupt politicians  in congress?  Why has she not thrown out those known corrupt  congress politicians from the party ? Why in each election do corrupt politicians get congress tickets ? In the name of democracy and complex constitutional aspects , Sonia Gandhi can make fool of all Indian all the time and all in the name of democracy.
  We heard a folk tale of Panch Tantra where a fox fell in a color pot and become colored animal and become lion for some time. This is called Chhdm Bhesi Gun (putting mask). BJP is expert of putting mask whenever  it needs. BJP has been stopping for running parliament in the name of corrupt methods of Man Mohan Singh government and all in the name of democracy.  However, when reporters ask about corruption in Punjab, Rajasthan, (What about looting methodology of Lalit Modi in the rule of Vijay Raje Sindhiya ?) , Karnataka, Madhy Pradesh , BJP spoke-persons divert the subject . In the name of democracy BJP can  support Shivu Soren  government or can form government in Jharkhand with the support of Shivu Soren. BJP abnegates Gud but takes Gulgule and all in the name of democracy. When congress takes support of Shivu Soren , for BJP , it is killing the democracy , however, when BJP takes the support of same Shivu Soren , for BJP , it is strengthening Indian democracy. What a double standard  in the name of democracy! BJP also has been  fooling all the people all the time in the name of democracy .
   Most of the people say that Manmohan Singh is very honest person. However, if somebody supports or protects corrupt people or corrupts groups he cant be called honest person by any NEETI . Atyachari ko Sah dena bhi Atyachar hi hai . Man Mohan Singh is a congress politician and he knows to fool all the people all the time and all in the name of democracy
 Shukr Neeti is our Neetishastra created before Mahabharat and it says that if a king does not support NEETI and his cabinet members are not Neetiwan the kingdom will suffer badly
Will somebody tell to Manmohan Singh that it is not enough to be honest for a prime minister but he has to  see that his minister works honestly and not show worry when minister is caught corrupt .
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Bhishma Kukreti

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Satire and Fatkar     
              Producing a Garhwali Film
             Bhishma Kukreti
      Manmohan Jakhmola called Madan Mohan Duklan that he got a  financer for their dreamt project of a Garhwali film. man Mohan Jakhmola told Madan Duklan that the financer from Canada Mr Aswal  wants to meet with project team in Dehradun.
Within hours the project team was before Sanghvi
 Financer asked Madan Duklan,” how much is your budget?”
 Madan replied,” We Garhwali producers don’t make preplanned budget for our films . We do shootings as per the  financer’s pocket.”
Happily financer told,” Very good planning . What about the story? I  heard from my friends that  story is very important for the films.”
 Story writer Kulanand Ghansala answered,” The story is about the progress of Harijan communities in Garhwal that is ‘Utthan of Harijan and is definitely off beat story“
Financer commented,” Oh ! I was not knowing that Garhwali writers are also progressive in thinking who could think on better subjects than Saty Jeet Ray or Shyam Bengal ?”
Manmohan Jakhmola made him understand,” No ! No! We Garhwalis are intelligent but very rarely we use our intelligent in commercial purposes. Do not worry about off beat story “
 Financer told looking at Ghansala ,” Yes! We can not afford making film on too much regional subject”
 Ghansala replied,” Ok then I have ready stories and screenplays  based on Hindi hit films as Shole, Sangam, or Lagan and we will call them Garhwali Sholey, Garhwali Sangam, garhwali lagan or Garhwali Three idiots.”
 Financer said,” But those stories are too much Indian. There should be some impression of Garhwali and Garhwal. In my opinion you should write the story mixing the stories of Sholey, Pather Panchali, and stories of Mani Ratnam “
Ghansala confusingly asked,” How come will the atmosphere be Garhwal and garhwali if I mix these stories?”
Instead of financer , Manmohan Jakhmola replied and concluded.” Yar Ghansala Ji! The background is of Garhwal and hills of Garhwal and by that the aroma will automatically of Garhwal. Aswal ji don’t worry .tomorrow is Sunday and Ghansala ji will write complete story and screenplay in one day by mixing all hit films and some of new wave films.”
 Financer Aswal asked,” very fine !  then the worry of story is no more . What about music?
Music director Anil Molasi answered,” Madan Duklan has written seven very fine lyrics and all are best example of Garhwali culture and customs. I have perceived the  music based on our culture and customs and related to subject but now subject is changed I shall think again ”
Aswal cleared his views,” Yes! Forget about customs and culture .We are making a commercial film and you Garhwalis of Garhwal do not have even little bit sense of commerce. Madan Duklan Ji! You write lyrics based on current Hindi films and Molasi ji !  create music based on  Punjabi folk songs, south Indian folk songs and mix with  some English films.”
 Manmohan summed up,” Don’t worry Madan ji and Molasi ji are expert of mixing all types of creativity. What ever commercial sense will demand Madan Duklan and Anil Molasi will create .
Satisfied by statement of Manmohan, Aswal asked,” what about dialogues?”
Dialogue writer Hemat Bisht answered,” I shall write in pure Garhwali language according to scene an depth of the story.”
Aswal said, ”Oh ! You Garhwalis of Garhwal will never understand the value of commercial mind. Never write dialogues in pure Garhwali . The whole sentence should be in Hindi except verbs of Garhwali.”
Manmohan Jakhmola summed,” Don’t worry. Dialogues will have Hindi words except Garhwali verbs”
Aswal wanted to know,” Who is director?
Madan Duklan replied,” Ramesh Dobriyal and Janak Rawat will  direct the film  who have  directed more than twenty stage plays in Garhwali .”
Aswal remarked,” But film and stage plays are two different medium !”
Madan Duklan said,” Don’t worry sir! You have commercial sense, you will virtually direct the film and but on title , we shall put the name of Ramesh Dobriyal and Janak Rawat .”
Aswal pleasingly said,” Garhwalis are intelligent. That is why within half an hour you all understood my commercial  nature. Now deal is final and we shall meet on day after tomorrow  with complete story, screenplay, lyrics and music  theme”
(Story  is based on true incident but names are imaginary . If names tally with real persons, it is just coincidental )
Copyright@ Bhishma Kukreti , Mumbai, India, 2010









 

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